KEY TERMS RELATED TO DOMESTIC ABUSE
A close relationship is a current or former:
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romantic relationship (e.g. spouse, cohabiting partner, boyfriend/girlfriend, partner in an intimate relationship) or
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family relationship (e.g. parent, child, sister, brother, or another relative connected through blood ties or caregiving).
A close relationship isn’t defined by the duration of the relationship, whether the people have lived together, or whether they are current or former partners.
A current partner is a person with whom someone is in a romantic relationship (life partner, spouse, etc.), regardless of whether they live together.
A former partner is a person with whom someone has been in a romantic relationship (former life partner, spouse, partner etc.), regardless of whether they lived together.
Abuse is any act against another person that intimidates, harms, hurts, humiliates, or forces them to do something against their will.
Domestic abuse, also referred to as “domestic violence” and “intimate partner abuse/violence”, is the intentional use of power or physical force within a close relationship. DA may take the form of physical, psychological, sexual, economic, or cyber abuse. A person behaving abusively often uses controlling behaviour and several forms of abuse against the victim. Generally, the goal is to control the victim.
The consequences of DA include fear, pain, suffering, health or development issues, deprivation, or other serious negative impacts. It’s important to understand that DA occurs across all parts of society and affects people regardless of age, gender, sexuality, education or income.
Together with the members of the Employers Against Domestic Abuse Initiative, we have decided to use the term “domestic abuse” because we believe it more clearly and accurately encompasses various types of abuse and close relationships that exist (e.g. relationships between former partners, intimate relationships where people don’t live together, caregiving relationships, and similar situations).
A victim of domestic abuse is a person who is experiencing or has experienced abuse in a close relationship. Abuse causes serious harm to the victim’s health and wellbeing. Children who have witnessed abuse or lived with its effects are also victims of DA. Domestic abuse affects children particularly severely, damaging their development, wellbeing, and sense of safety even when the abuse isn’t directed at them but happens in their presence.
A person perpetrating abuse in a close relationship, or a person behaving abusively, uses or has used abuse against someone close to them. Abuse is often learned behaviour resulting from difficulties in managing emotions. Changing this behaviour requires the person’s voluntary willingness to take responsibility and to receive long-term professional counselling and support.
Together with the members of the Employers Against Domestic Abuse initiative, we have decided not to use the terms “perpetrator” or “abuser”, but instead to speak about “a person perpetrating abuse” or “a person behaving abusively”. This approach is based on the principles of supporting people to stop abusive behavior and helps keep the focus on the possibility of change. It emphasises that feelings are not actions — abuse isn't an unavoidable reaction, but generally a conscious choice to behave abusively towards someone close to you. If abuse is a choice, it's also possible to learn different ways of responding and different skills that support healthier, safer, and more self-controlled behaviour. It’s possible to find and offer support for stopping abusive behaviour.
It must be acknowledged that the official legal framework uses the term “perpetrator”, for example, Victim Support Services uses it. If this glossary is meant to function across different sectors and be understandable in the public, private, and non-governmental sectors alike, it's impossible to completely avoid the current legal terminology. In different forms of cooperation, these frameworks inevitably overlap, which justifies the use of the term “perpetrator.”
The cycle of abuse describes an abusive relationship in which a repeating pattern of three phases has developed: the tension-building phase, the abusive incident phase, and the honeymoon phase (reconciliation, promises, and temporary calm).
Tension-building phase – the atmosphere becomes increasingly tense, with irritation, blame, control, and fear developing in the relationship. It’s common for the victim to adapt their behaviour in order to avoid conflict.
Abusive incident phase – the built-up tension “explodes” into abuse, such as shouting, threats, humiliation, physical assault, or other harmful behaviour. The aim isn't to solve the problem, but to regain control over the other person.
Honeymoon phase – the person who behaved abusively shows remorse, care, and promises change in order to restore the emotional bond, control, and stability in the relationship. This can make the victim believe things will improve. However, the honeymoon phase is generally a manipulative stage within the abusive relationship and inevitably leads to a new build-up of tension.
The duty to report a child in need of help means that, under the Estonian Child Protection Act, everyone is required to report a child in need of help or a child in danger (including a child growing up in a home where one parent behaves abusively towards the other).
A child in need of help includes, among others, a child who experiences abuse from someone close to them or witnesses one parent behaving abusively towards the other. A child like this must be reported to a local government child protection worker or to the Children’s Helpline on 116 111.
A child in danger is a child whose life or health is at risk. The danger may arise from the environment, the behaviour of other people, or the child’s own actions. If a family member endangers the child’s life or health and there is no other way to ensure safety, it may be necessary to remove the child from the family. In an emergency, the emergency number 112 must be called immediately.
A mere suspicion that a child has experienced psychological, physical, or sexual abuse, or that their life or health is in danger is sufficient to initiate misdemeanor or criminal proceedings.
An adult in danger is an adult whose life or health is at risk (including because of DA). If it's suspected that a person is in danger, this must be reported immediately by calling 112.
TYPES OF DOMESTIC ABUSE
Psychological abuse means intentionally causing emotional harm to another person. Its aim is often to humiliate and gain control over the victim. Examples include threats, stalking, harassment, intimidation, verbal abuse, slander, humiliation, blame, manipulation, damaging property, extreme jealousy, using children as a tool of abuse, threatening suicide, or controlling the victim’s everyday life.
It may also include restricting communication, preventing work or study, and isolating the victim from family, friends, and other loved ones. Psychological abuse creates fear and undermines self-esteem, confidence, and dignity.
Sexual abuse is any sexual act or attempted sexual act carried out without a person’s explicit and voluntary consent. It may include rape, sexual coercion, harassment, unwanted touching, or other forms of sexual abuse. It’s one of the most devastating forms of abuse. (See also the term “consent-based law”.)
Economic abuse means controlling another person’s money or other material resources in order to make them submit to the abuser’s wishes. This makes it difficult for the victim to cope independently and may make them dependent on the person behaving abusively. Economic abuse can take many forms, including restricting access to money, preventing or obstructing employment, creating debts, or making financial decisions that affect the victim without informing them. Economic abuse is often used together with other forms of abuse.
Cyber abuse refers to all acts of abuse carried out through information and communication technology. The most common forms are cyberstalking, bullying, harassment, sharing photos without permission, and other forms of abuse using digital tools. Cyber abuse also includes identity theft (including pretending to be someone else) and hate speech. Research confirms that technology amplifies and facilitates abuse. Abuse carried out online and through digital devices is often intertwined with other forms of abuse and follows similar patterns. It causes psychological, social and economic harm and, in extreme cases, may lead to suicide or death.
Physical abuse involves one person physically hurting another, for example by hitting, pushing, strangling, pulling hair, burning or throwing objects at them. Physical abuse is often more visible than other forms of abuse, but victims may hide their injuries or feel ashamed to admit them. Physical abuse may also involve abusing or torturing those closest to the victim (e.g. children or pets). Restricting movement and depriving the victim of physical freedom are also considered forms of physical abuse.
EXAMPLES OF MAIN ROOT CAUSES OF DOMESTIC ABUSE
The intergenerational impact of domestic abuse is reflected in the fact that a child who grows up in an abusive home and witnesses abuse carries those experiences into adulthood. They are more likely to later find themselves in an abusive relationship either as a victim or as the partner behaving abusively.
Why does this happen? Unresolved trauma and a lack of ability to deal with problems safely and without abuse enable the recurrence of abuse. In childhood, people often learn from their family’s example that conflicts are resolved through aggression and force. If abuse has been a normal part of everyday life, it may begin to seem normal or like the only effective way to behave, especially when a person feels the situation is outside of their control.
A gender stereotype is a rigid generalised belief about what qualities, roles, behaviour, or appearance women and men should have. Such beliefs limit people’s freedom to be themselves and create inequality and discrimination. Gender stereotypes also contribute to DA because they justify male dominance and controlling behaviour and place blame on the victim if they don’t meet stereotypical expectations.
For example, there’s a widespread belief that a “real man” doesn’t look for help. This stereotype prevents both male victims of DA and men behaving abusively from getting help in time. There’s also a belief that a female victim of sexual abuse is somehow to blame because, for example, she wore a miniskirt.
Misogyny is an ideology based on hatred and belittlement of women. It’s not just a conservative opinion, but hostility directed at women. Misogynistic attitudes punish women who don’t behave “as expected” (e.g. by not following gender stereotypes) by belittling or humiliating them or using violence against them. It often appears in attacks on women’s appearance, age or sexuality, in offensive language, or threats of violence. In recent years, such attitudes have become increasingly common among young people (especially in online and social media content aimed at young audiences).
OTHER IMPORTANT TERMS
Coercive control refers to a pattern of behaviour aimed at dominating and controlling another person. Control is established through a combination of different forms of abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, economic, or cyber abuse). The victim lives in constant fear, hopelessness, and dependence on the controlling person. Over time, their self-confidence, independence, and joy in life fade, while the risk of suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts increases.
Gender-based violence is any abuse or violence directed at a person because of their gender. Gender-based violence may also occur in public spaces, but it's especially common in homes and close relationships.
The terms “gender-based violence” and “violence against women” are often used interchangeably because studies show that such abuse is most often committed by men against women. However, it's important to understand that men can also experience gender-based violence.
Dating abuse is any abuse between people in a relationship who don’t live together. It may also include abuse between people who have just met (e.g. at a party, online, or outdoors).
Stalking refers to any behaviour intended to disturb another person, interfere in their private life, and make everyday life unbearable. Stalking may begin with as few as two harassing acts and can develop into a long-term repeated pattern. It may take place both online and in physical environments (e.g. streets, workplaces, or other everyday locations). It may involve intimidation, humiliation, repeated phone calls, messages, breaches of restraining orders, and similar behaviours.
It’s often part of a broader abusive relationship pattern in which control, intimidation, and boundary violations become incessant behaviour. Stalking is a criminal offence in Estonia.
Secondary victimisation, or victim blaming, is a widespread phenomenon in which the victim of a wrongful act is held partly or fully responsible for the harm caused by the act. Victims of sexual abuse and domestic abuse are blamed disproportionately more often than victims of other crimes. This isn't typical for most other offences. For example, in the case of robbery, victims aren’t asked why they wore expensive clothes or jewellery. Likewise, if someone is hit by a drunk driver, the victim isn't blamed for being in the way.
Trauma is an emotional or psychological reaction to an extreme or tragic event or experience that exceeds a person’s normal stress tolerance. The impact of a traumatic event is individual, but it may deeply affect a person’s mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing, affecting their feelings, thoughts, behaviour, and relationships.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may develop after a traumatic event. It most often develops when a person has directly experienced the trauma themselves, but it may also occur when the traumatic event happened to someone close to them or if they witnessed it. A traumatic event is one that creates feelings of fear, horror, and helplessness (e.g. experiencing or witnessing domestic or other abuse, a natural disaster, an accident).
Typical signs of trauma:
- recurring thoughts or images of the event;
- nightmares related to the event;
- sudden flashbacks during which the person experiences feelings, thoughts, or behaviour similar to those experienced during the event itself;
- attempts to avoid thoughts and feelings connected to the trauma.
Source: https://peaasi.ee/en/
Consent-based law refers to the legal regulation of sexual abuse based on the principle that any sexual act against a person’s will is rape and therefore a criminal offence. A consent-based approach isn't just one specific law, but a broader principle that all sexual acts without consent are crimes.
MAIN OPTIONS FOR HELP IN CASES OF DOMESTIC ABUSE
Please note that these resources are specific to Estonia. If you need support in another country, please look for services available in your local area.
More information about all the support options listed here can be found on the website palunabi.ee. There you can also find information about trauma recovery support, compensation for victims of crime, and restorative justice.
Victim Support is the national system of services and benefits designed to assist victims. In Estonia, Victim Support is organised by the Social Insurance Board, and more information about its services can be found on https://www.palunabi.ee/en.
Women’s support centres are located in every county in Estonia and provide free support and assistance to women who have experienced abuse and to their children. Services include crisis and psychological counselling, legal aid, and temporary accommodation to ensure the safety of victims and their children. Contact details for women’s support centres by county can be found on the Social Insurance Board website (in Estonian): https://sotsiaalkindlustusamet.ee/naiste-tugikeskused#naiste-tugikeskuste-kontaktid
Sexual abuse crisis centres provide free 24/7 support to anyone who has experienced rape or another sexual assault, or who suspects this has happened. To receive help, no more than seven days must have passed since the incident. No referral or police report is required. Crisis support centres are located in five Estonian regional hospitals: Tartu University Hospital, West Tallinn Central Hospital, Pärnu Hospital, Ida-Viru Central Hospital, and Kuressaare Hospital. Contact details for sexual abuse crisis centres can be found here: https://www.palunabi.ee/en/sexual-violence.
People who experienced sexual abuse in the past (including in childhood) can call the Victim Support crisis line 116 006 for support and referral to services.
The counseling helpline for human trafficking prevention and victim support can be contacted if a person has become a victim of sexual or labour exploitation, has been forced to commit crimes, or has entered into a sham marriage. The service is intended for adults. It provides primary counselling, support in communicating with state and local government authorities and legal entities, as well as social and legal counselling.
MARAC is a multi-agency cooperation model for handling high-risk domestic abuse cases, where parties including Victim Support, the police, the prosecutor’s office, women’s support centres, healthcare providers, and child protection services work together to ensure the safety of the victim and their children. Victims are referred to MARAC based on a risk assessment carried out by a supporting professional.
High-risk DA means that the victim’s life is in danger or there is a risk of serious harm to their health.
Support for stopping abusive behaviour is a counselling and support service for people who want to stop behaving abusively. The support and assistance provided are based on the principle that abuse is often learned behaviour resulting from difficulties in managing emotions. Stopping abusive behaviour is difficult and takes time, but it's possible in certain cases. Specifically, the process requires the person’s voluntary decision to take responsibility and change, as well as professional guidance and support. In Estonia, support for stopping abusive behaviour is provided by Victim Support services.
HELP CONTACTS
In danger, always call the police emergency number 112
Victim Support: 116 006, https://www.palunabi.ee/en
When calling from abroad, the crisis line number is +372 614 7393
Support line for stopping abusive behaviour: 660 6077, vlt@sotsiaalkindlustusamet.ee
Children’s Helpline: 116 111, info@lasteabi.ee
Platform bringing together mental health support options: https://peaasi.ee/en/
Human trafficking prevention and victim counseling hotline: 660 7320, Social Insurance Board human trafficking prevention webpage: https://sotsiaalkindlustusamet.ee/en/child-and-adult-need-help/support-victims/human-trafficking-prevention-and-victims-assistance
Victim Support emotional support line: 116 123
Information and support on healthy relationships, personal boundaries, preventing abuse, and stopping abusive behaviour: http://piirid.ee (in Estonian)